***Probably my longest post ever, pics + words. Read if you have time...***
Looking back on this pregnancy, it's easy to see what an odd, busy year it's been for me. It all went by so fast, and I can't help but wish I could have slowed things down a bit and just enjoyed life more (Hello. listen to yourself, Lisa--this applies to you even still!). So many life events packed into one wittle summer...best friends getting married, a little someone turning 2, selling a house, looking for a house, making offers on houses, buying a house, getting negotiations worked out on that house, demolishing the place, dealing with sub-contractors and coordinating install dates, packing up and then...hoping...hoping...hoping...to get moved in before my due date: 9/25/2012.
So many lessons learned in one little summer. And so. much. stress. But, I digress. This is Leland's birth story, and it starts with a little bit of that stress...
After closing on our house on 8/15/2012, move in date was originally planned for 9/1/2012. Silly, Us. 2 bathroom gut-job remodels in 2 weeks? How bout 3 weeks? No? OK, but really guys, 4 weeks?
It's gotta be this week, or I'll go insane...how many times did that thought run through my head?
I think I did go insane for a bit (and, umm, even still?). The first weekend of September when our move was delayed, I literally had an anxiety attack--crying, heart palpitations, candy binge, I just couldn't deal. I think the panic set in when we got news of our friends having their baby 3 weeks early--she was due just days before me. Could I really be this close to having a baby? I was in denial. And I realized I had to just let it all go.
My new motto became, It is what it is. And I tried to focus on things that were actually in my control.
Packing, moving, living separate lives with Dave (always at the new house working, me a the old one watching Jude, packing). It was all so exhausting. Days moved by so slowly.
All the while, I just kept thinking, "OK Baby, you come when you gotta come...but please don't come early."
Finally, the weekend of the September 15th, we got all moved in. Nothing perfect, boxes still unpacked, but moved in. And settling in. And the stress was immediately lifted. I had my nest, and I felt like I had my family back in one piece.
This whole while, I had it in my head that Oct. 3rd would be a wonderful day to have a baby. The main reason was this date put me back to work just after Christmas. I guess I'm one of those strange people that always hopes to go past their due date. There is just always a logical explanation why it's a good idea...and this time around, I had about a million reasons for this kiddo to keep on cooking.
But, honestly, once we actually moved in, I felt ready. I felt relief. I felt like a September baby was the thing for me, and Leland listened.
On Monday (the 24th), I was sitting in a meeting at work and felt my whole tongue go numb, and I thought, "uh-oh--this is strange. whatever it is, I gotta get outta here." So I left the meeting, and went into the lab to get my work finished up. And I then I started feeling dizzy, people sounded far away, my vision became spotty. Ohhhh, a migraine. Sweet. I went down to the clinic to check that my blood pressure was ok (it was), called my midwife to make sure it wasn't some freaky pregnancy symptom, and then went home early to take a nap. I didn't think I'd be able to sleep, but woke up 3 hours later with a slight headache, yet overall refreshed. We spent a warm, fall evening out in the front yard--Jude on his Skuut bike, and me breaking down boxes to be put in the recycling bin. Dave came home, Jude went to bed, and since he was gonna be up priming the master bathroom, I decided to paint the living room baseboards and fireplace. At 2 am, I was done with the paint, and the clean-up...cursing myself for starting the project, loving myself for finishing a project, and wondering to myself how in the hell I'd make it into work by 6 am.
Turns out, I wouldn't have to. Sometime in the middle of the night, I noticed pretty regular, strong pressure contractions. At 4:30 am, I got up to grab my phone and start timing them. They were about 7 minutes apart. But not totally consistent, and not painful so I just laid there and did some hypnobirth breathing while I debated if I should call into work--my contractions were regular, but if this was false labor, I'd be so annoyed at starting my maternity leave.
At 5:40, I make a decision and send my friend Sarah a text: 'well, i do believe i'm calling it. regularish contractions for bout an hour--not hospital bound yet, but perhaps in a few hours? i'll let you know if i get admitted to hospital.'
And then I laid there some more. Dave woke up around 6 to use the potty, and I said, 'you wanna have a baby today?' and he said, 'yah--is that gonna happen?' I told him probably and that I was going to hop in the bath for a little while. I'm not sure how long I was in the bath, but soon after that is when I'd say I noticed my contractions getting pretty dang uncomfortable. I got out of the bath to find Dave sound asleep. Back in bed. Annoying! I asked him if he was planning on taking a shower before we left and he said yeah...but then just continued to lay there. At this point, my patience was fading quick--I told him to hurry up and do it then. In my memory, this part seems the most chaotic. I wanted to do some of our hypnobirthing scripts, I wanted to actually time a few contractions (I had no idea how close they were), I wanted to get our last minute items together and in the car and none of it was happening. Sometime around now, Jude also woke up and wanted to be by me. So I kneeled on the floor and played with him, and then got on all fours during contractions and tried to play it cool. What I want to remember about him that morning is that he was being just incredibly fun-loving and cute. My cutest Jude-bear.
Anyway, right about this time (7:20 am) I sent a text to my dad--'hi. think today is the day. can you be down in like 30 min? no total rush. just come in and be quiet. not sure when we'll leave. gonna time these contractions now.' We didn't hear from him for awhile, which had me worried that he didn't get the text (and calls), but turns out he was on it and was down at the house 15 minutes later.
Dave and I did manage to time a few contractions in between keeping Jude entertained and packing up the car. I'd have a contraction every 5 minutes and then 2 minutes and then 5 minutes. As we were walking out the door, I had a really intense contraction on our porch. I had to lean over and rest my head on Dave's stomach while he held onto my arms. This contraction I lost it and started to cry and told Dave I really did mean to get an epidural, and ummmm, screw hypnobirthing. I just couldn't stay focused, the pain was so much. My dad would tell me later that Jude saw me out the window and said, "Mommy crying." and then started to cry (which was short-lived, because my dad brought his iPad).
Off we left to the hospital, which is really only about 5 minutes from our house. In the car, I tried to get a hold of my mom a few times, but with no success. To her credit, she'd been really diligent at answering all my calls the last week, but this time, she was in the shower. When we got to the hospital, Dave did all the checking-in, while I just leaned over a chair. My mom called me back and I told her we were at the hospital and I'd call her if I got admitted. She asked if I was in labor, and I said I wasn't sure, but 'damn, this really hurts!' I also texted Rach about the same thing. I thought I would go to the triage to get checked, but apparently I just looked the part. I had a contraction on the way down to our room, and another one as soon as I got in the room. The nurse looked at me, and said, "OK, more like 2 minutes apart. Throw these on, and I'll go call Lindsay." That was at 8:35 am.
When I actually got checked, I was completely effaced and at a 5. The nurse confirmed natural labor with me--and Dave quickly answered yes, and I said I didn't know...she said, 'well, it's your birth plan honey, you just let me know. i think you'll go really fast once your water breaks though.' In my mind, I really wanted the pain gone, but kept telling myself to wait for Lindsay to get there and see what tricks she had up her sleeve. And I also couldn't really fathom sitting still through a contraction while an epidural was placed. Turns out the decision was made for me. Dave was trying his darndest to get some messages out to Rach and my mama to tell them things were progressing quick. And I was getting annoyed at him because I needed to use him as support--the only comfortable position for me was bent over with my head resting on his stomach, and his arms holding my elbows above my head. Like 3 hellish contractions later, I was standing bent over leaning on Dave's stomach, and SPLASH! my water broke all over our feet. Surprisingly, this felt good. Suddenly, there wasn't as much intense pressure through each contraction. The nurse checked me again, and I was at an 8. They called Lindsay again. A couple contractions more and it was me telling them I was going to throw up and I really needed to push. Somewhere during all of this Dave sent out some texts to my sis and my mom telling them to step on it. One text to my mom at 9:17 said, 'room 5. HURRY!' I couldn't really grasp that I was actually this far along in the process--about ready to push, and still no midwife. I felt so exposed, and after all this, didn't think I wanted my mom or Rach in the room...
Luckily, no one listens to me-- and Lindsay shows up just in time. She asks how I'd be most comfortable pushing, and I basically say 'umm, you tell me.' I managed to climb up onto the bed and they lower the bottom half. All the while, I'm thinking, "oh god, i really don't want to do this." Next contraction, Lindsay says to follow my body and push. A few more contractions, and I have the oxygen mask on because the baby's heart rate is too low through my contractions. Lindsay says, "Lis, the baby's heart rate is too low through these contractions. It's ok, but we don't want to be doing this for too long. So you've really gotta give it what you have." I'm still thinking, "oh god, i really don't want to be doing this." But I listen to what she says. About this time, I notice my mama up by my shoulder, and Rachie standing back behind Dave. Other than that, I think I only looked at Lindsay, and then kept my eyes shut! She reassures me that I'm making progress with each push, and that when the baby crowns, the head will stay put. Five, maybe six pushes later, and that darn head is out! Sweet relief!! Lindsay quickly removes the cord from it's neck, and with the next set of contractions I push out the rest. And then the baby is up on my chest, in my arms, and it's me who gets the first peek--it's a boy!!
Even though this was my guess all along, I'm still surprised--like, did I see that right? I get to hold him in my arms while they wait for the cord to stop pulsating, and then Dave cuts the cord.
At 9:27 am, our little love entered this world.
Leland Christopher Forester
8 lbs 5 oz
19 inches
And the sweetest thing.
What I can say about this natural birth thing is this: I'm so glad I did it. It's so intense, but once it's over, it's over!!! And you can actually get up out of bed and walk yourself over to see your baby (while they do the assessments). And my body has healed so much better/quicker this go around. But, if I had to be in labor for hours and hours, you know I'd be getting an epidural. There's something to be said about just relaxing your way through those contractions...he, he. Leland's birth is just about 100% different than Jude's, but both hold that special amazingness in my heart. Awe, little newbies, they just getcha everytime!
PS: Rachie had this to add--What an incredible memory! You stated yourself so well an I loved all the details...so will Leland one day. You however forgot to mention the first thing when I tip-toed in the door in what seemed like a quiet, calm setting firmly stating "no pictures!". Thought that was sorta funny. Thank goodness your midwife finally told me to start snapping a few short min before baby was born. Because aren't ya happy now?! Thanks for letting me be a part of it all! You've got a perfect boy.
PS: Rachie had this to add--What an incredible memory! You stated yourself so well an I loved all the details...so will Leland one day. You however forgot to mention the first thing when I tip-toed in the door in what seemed like a quiet, calm setting firmly stating "no pictures!". Thought that was sorta funny. Thank goodness your midwife finally told me to start snapping a few short min before baby was born. Because aren't ya happy now?! Thanks for letting me be a part of it all! You've got a perfect boy.
